This is a bittersweet final post to write. At least a final post concerning my English 493 Class. I have spent this quarter immersed in theory and practice that I have not gotten in any other class before. I've gone from aspects that I am familiar with to ones that it took me a moment to wrap my brain around. Pedagogy of the Oppressed was a difficult text for me to understand, for example. And SIOP is something I've gotten in depth instruction on. All of it placed together had created a new section of my brain that didn't exist before.
I actually did mean to say a 'section' of my brain, because it isn't just ideas. It's more than just knowledge. The entire course was planned to scaffold us into the mock trial of the mini-lesson and the grueling task of the Unit Plan. It was a step-by-step process that I didn't fully understand until it was finished. My own first experience with scaffolding a student was a surprise to me too. It wasn't until later that I realized what I had done. This course was like that. The funny thing is that we were informed that it would be scaffolded at the beginning of the course. But it wasn't until the end, until now, that I realized the extent of it. I don't know whether or not the course would have worked if it had not been formatted in this way.
The course also helped me realize that I had begun to look at myself as part teacher and part student. I have been assessing my own professors for quite a few quarters now. And I have been compiling books and ideas for lessons on a small bookcase. I find myself smiling indulgently at people who mock my choice of career or call me crazy. This course helped me to see that this was just my way of accepting and stepping into my future role as an instructor. I am, of course, still a student. I have been drowning in finals and worried about grades and dragging my feet to campus in sweat pants. But the change has begun. My change has begun.
I saw this in the mini-lesson I taught. I was a nervous wreck before it began and at the start I stumbled and forgot the order of my lesson. Then, I'm not even sure why, I felt my shoulders relax and my smile was real and I was enjoying myself in front of the class. The change was stark to me in reflecting on it afterwards. There was no mention of it, so others may not have seen the change. But it was like a freight train to me. And I just thought ... "I can DO this!" And that is a wonderful thought to have.
I'm still a little unsure about the intensity that comes out of Pedagogy of the Oppressed. I can pick out the theories it holds that make it such a well quoted text. I even agree with some of them. I am just not as well versed in the ravaged and oppressive world that this work was written in. It's hard to swallow the energy behind this text without having experienced the devastation first hand. I try to come as close as I can, but I don't know that I will ever get there.
I also believe that I will be struggling with the Common Core State Standards for a while to come. They are so specific and in some ways so vague that I struggle to find what they are actually asking sometimes. This statement might need a little more clarification. It's not the standards themselves that are vague, instead it is the connections that I will have to make to my lessons to cover them. If I'm not teaching a a novel, but poetry, how do I teach the way that the author creates tension and mystery? That is a very specific type of poem I would have to find, because it is difficult to parlay some poems into this aspect. I understand that not all standards must be covered at one time, but repetition is always a good idea. The standards are very specific to what it should cover in that grade level, but it is up to me in some respects to figure out how to apply it. That will be my struggle.
Teaching will always be a struggle in some respects. The field is always evolving. The students are never the same. The answers I receive could be shocking. Some students will struggle no matter how hard I try (but I will never stop trying). And some schools will be uncomfortable to work in. I know this. I understand this. I accept this. And I am looking forward to every moment of it!
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